She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize