Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
