I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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