you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
