You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just threw up on my dentist
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
