He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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