He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
