Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize