brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
