would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
