im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
