It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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