respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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