idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
