Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
