I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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