I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
