Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
