His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
