I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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