what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
