i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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