my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
