I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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