Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
