Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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