Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
