Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
