Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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