I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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