help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
