I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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