It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
