There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
