Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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