Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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