so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
