My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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