doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
