are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize