Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
