i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
