I will die if light touches me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
