my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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