Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
