explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
