i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
