I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
