Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
