U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
