some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize