I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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