I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
