looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
