Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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