It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize