i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
