Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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