im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
