You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
