Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
