he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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