something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
