worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
