we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
