Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
