Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
