Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
